Just a mom

Maybe it’s the upcoming birthday, maybe it’s because my best friend is graduating from law school, but today, I feel like “just a mom”. Normally, I feel good about what I do, but as I enter my middle thirties, I wonder if this is what’s in store for me for the next 15-20 years. I’ve never really felt that motherhood was my calling, as some of my contemporaries do. While being a stay-at-home mom is best for kids, I’ve always thought of my role as temporary and that at some point, I’d get back to my “real life”. What is that “real life”, I don’t know. My misspent youth has left be little prepared for anything other than being a stay-at-home mom. At one time, I thought I had a career, but working in a high-end salon is a young girl’s job. I am no longer fashionable enough for that. Everyone around me seems to have hopes,dreams, lofty goals . My goals tend to be focused on clean laundry. Every so often, I toss around the idea of going to school, but in the end, it never happens. I’ve tossed around the idea of starting a home business, but in the end, it never happens. I’ve tossed around the idea of going back to work, but in the end, it never happens. All of that is risky. Being home is safe.

Pentecost

Wow! What a strange weekend. This past weekend, my husband and I went to a local Science Fiction Convention up in Baltimore. Although I had been to Sci-Fi Con before, I still didn’t quite know what to expect. This one was quite small and there wasn’t alot going on for me. Husband had many things planned, so I had plenty of time to myself. I was very thankful to discover a nice, little Antiochian Church, just about a mile from our hotel. I arrived for Vespers 30 minutes early because the answering machine message was incorrect. I was able to stay and listen to choir practice until Vespers started. Although small, the choir was very lovely. I had never been to an Antiochian Church before and was entranced by the hunting music. I was struck by how comforting it was just to be inside the church, even though it was a different place with strange people, speaking or singing in a language I didn’t understand. It was like visiting long distant relatives. After Vespers, the reader told me that Father wanted to speak with him. We chatted a bit and welcomed me to receive communion the following day. I was a bit concerned, since I knew that I’d be attending a concert, then party that night, but even after staying up until after 1am, I managed to get myself to Divine Liturgy the following morning. I was surprised to see that the congregation appeared to be about 75% Arab. Who would have thought there was such a large Arab Christian community in rural Maryland (the church was sandwiched between two farms and across the street from a third)? The service was about 50/50 Arabic and English. I noticed some differences, such as Father motioning the congregation to sit a various times and they sat at different points than we do at my home church. I also noticed that there was much less crossing(and at different times than I’m used to) and no metanias. There was also no kissing of the icons up front. In my church, people kiss everything within reach! The homily was very touching. From what I could gather, it appears that he was new to the parish. His homily went into great length about how a parish priest has the responsibility to care for and guide the congregation and how he can’t do that if the priest doesn’t know the congregation members personally. He discussed the nature of the spiritual father/spiritual child relationship. Is it just me, or does wisdom seem even more profound when it is accompanied by a heavy Old World accent It was like walking into a whole different world, when I got back to the hotel. The rest of the weekend was nice and I met new friends and had a great time.

Book Addiction

Wow! I can’t believe I just bought two more books, when I already have at least half a dozen on the shelves, waiting for me. I was involved in an on-line discussion where the topic of remarried priests came up. Someone mentioned that the focus of a major priest controversy wrote a book (Widowed Priest by Joseph Allen), so of course, I googled and found a copy. For some reason, I can’t leave an on-line bookstore with just one. I also picked up one of the books on my list. I know it’s a great book, but I haven’t read the others yet! Maybe one day, I’ll have time to read all the books waiting for me.

Friday Feasts

It is becoming difficult to find fasting foods that are IBS friendly. Who would have thought that vegan food is so unhealthy?!?

Ginger Butternut Soup
Serves 2-4

1 small onion, chopped
1 T olive oil
2 inches fresh ginger, grated
2 cups butternut squash, cubed
2 cups vegetable stock
1 14 oz can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup red lentils (uncooked)
1/2 t salt
1/2 t ground black pepper

In a medium soup pot on medium heat, saute the onion in oil until translucent. Add the ginger and squash and saute for 5 minutes. Add the stock, tomatoes, lentils, salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat. Simmer for 15-20 minutes or until squash is cooked. With a hand blender or food processor, blend half or all (I prefer all) of the soup until smooth (be careful when blending hot liquids). Return to pot, reheat, and serve. Also doubles and freezes well.

Yikes!

It looks like older son is sick again. The doctor isn’t sure if he has a little virus that will be done in a day or two, or he beginnings of appendicitis. We’ve been give a list os symptoms and instructed to go straight to the emergency room is any of them appear. My little man has never had a serious illness before, so I guess I can be grateful that it isn’t more serious.

What are you going to do?

Now that kindergarten for the little one is imminent, I have gotten this question a lot recently. Part of me is offended, as if being a mom isn’t enough. On the other hand, part of me is concerned that with all that time alone, I will get bored and depressed. Yes, there will be enough to do around the house to keep me busy, but I can see where it would be isolating to stay home and work on the house all day. I’ve tossed around a couple idea, all involving going back to school. This has me a bit nervous. I was NOT a good student in high school and I’ve attempted to go to community college a couple times in the past. Both times ended up in failure, although there were extenuating circumstances. The first time, my stepmother was going through chemo and I skipped alot of classes to help take care of her. The second time, I got pregnant with the little one. I was taking art classes and the smell of the chemicals bothered my morning sickness. Eventhough they were reasonable reasons for not succeeding, those attempts hang over my head. I guess at this point, I’m afraid of failure. If I don’t try, I won’t have the chance to fail. It would be pretty easy for me to go back to cutting hair or even a basic retail job. Would that be fulfilling? Would it even be worth my time and the effort needed by the family to adapt to a new schedule? Probably not. Several more experienced moms have suggested that I wait a year before jumping into things like work or college, that the time is needed to help the little one adapt to all day school and to help me adapt to no longer being the mom to young, preschool children. That sounds like a good idea.

Friday Feasts

Crockpot Couscous Stew (vegan)
can of stewed tomatoes
1 can of chickpeas
2-3 cups of peppers (red & green)
2-3 leeks chopped big
dash (or to taste) of Tabsco
fresh garlic to taste
basil, oreagano to taste
2-3 cups of couscous

Combine everything (except the couscous) in a large pot, crockpot, or slow cooker. Cook until tender.

Ramblings

I’ve come to the conclusion that sewing is no longer an affordable hobby. Should I believe the rumors that the chain stores raised their prices once it was announced that WalMart was getting out of the fabric business? I don’t know. I’ve never really been an anti-Walmart person and because the closest one is a 45 minute drive, on a good day, I certainly am not a loyal customer, either. However, I have noticed a general increase of prices at the chain stores lately. Gone are the days of the $1 per yard tables and the $0.99 pattern sales. I used to see sewing as a great way to have nice, trendy clothes at a great price, as well as an enjoyable hobby. Now, it’s not even an enjoyable hobby. With the increase in prices, comes an increase in anxiety. If I’ve spent so much money of fabric and notions, it BETTER turn out perfect! All you sewers out there know that when you increase the pressure, mistake WILL happen. Unfortunately, this means an end to the hobby that I’ve loved for so long and a hobby that is quickly becoming the only one I can do without pain. As my hands get worse, knitting and cross stitch are becoming a rare treat. Even reading is becoming difficult. I can’t hold a book for longer than 20-30 minutes without pain. Sewing has always been a pleasure because it doesn’t take fine motor skills the way knitting or cross stitch does. I guess, at least for know, I’ll stick to refashioning old garments and using up the stash. We’ll see what the future holds.

Friday Feasts

Vegetarian Tortilla Soup

makes 4 servings

3/4 cup chopped onion
2 garlic cloves
1 tbl tomato paste
1 tsp ground cumin
3/4 tsp chili powder
4 cups vegetable broth
4 tbl chopped cilantro
4 6-inch corn tortillas, cut into 1/2in wide strips
1 1/2 cups chopped tomatoes
2/3 cups canned black beans, rinsed and drained (kidney or pinto beans work well, too)
2/3 cup chopped zucchini
dash of Tabasco sauce, to taste

Spray large nonstick pan with cooking spray. Add onion and garlic; cover and cook over medium-low heat until tender, stirring often, about 5 minutes. Stir in tomato paste, cumin and chili powder. Add broth and 2 tbl cilantro; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Add tortillas, tomatoes, beans, zucchini and Tabasco to soup. Cover and simmer until zucchini is tender, about 5 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve in bowls, topped with remaining cilantro.

Borrowed Books

Deb on the Run was kind enough to loan me a couple books. From my book meme, y’all know that sharing books is a big thing for me. I love being able to pass on books after I read them and reading already well-loved books. Thanks, Deb! Since I generally read more fiction, than non-fiction, this is the first non-fiction shared book (other than the public or church libraries) I’ve read. She has lent me a well-loved copy of The Apostolic Fathers edited by Jack Sparks. What I find most interesting (other than the content itself) is seeing what other people have highlighted in the book. It gives me insight into the original readers and helps me see things from other eyes.